


Lovers on the Russian Team

by aceklaviergavin



Series: YOI Week 2017 [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9253526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceklaviergavin/pseuds/aceklaviergavin
Summary: 5 times Mila went to her friends for love advice + 1 time she didn't have to.This work has been translated into Russianhere.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Lovers on the Russian Team](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11617992) by [michaelclame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/michaelclame/pseuds/michaelclame)



> for YOIWEEK2017 Day 2: Ladies appreciation
> 
> title is sung to the tune of "Ra Ra Rasputin"
> 
> (i'm reuploading this bc ao3 keeps kicking my works off the first page)

1.

It seemed love was in the air at the home rink of the Russian skating team in St. Petersburg. Georgi was courting a new lady and Vitya had returned from his break with an adorable fiancé. Even Yakov and Lilia were rekindling their long dead romance. Mila scrolled through Instagram idly during her water break, pouting at Georgi’s newest photos of his girlfriend. Next to her, Yuuri stretched on the barricade, treating it like a makeshift barre as they made heart eyes at Vitya from across the rink.

Mila sighed longingly. Yuuri’s attention remained fixed on Vitya. Mila cleared her throat and sighed again, _louder_ this time.

Yuuri glanced at her. “Mila, is something wrong?”

Mila perked up immediately. “How sweet of you to ask, Yuuri!” she chimed, taking the invitation to crowd further into Yuuri’s space.

Yuuri looked like a deer in headlights, sending panicked looks to Vitya across the way. “Um, it’s no trouble?”

Mila barreled forward. “It’s just that everyone I know is _in love_ except me!” she bemoaned. She waved her phone in Yuuri’s face. “Georgi is posting kissy photos again with his new lover, Yakov and Lilia are getting back together...”

“I can hear you, Mila!” Yakov shouted from the other end of the rink.

Like any good Russian skater, Mila ignored him. “Even our darling Vitya, the Ice Prince, returns to his throne with an adorable fiancé.” She slumped against the barrier, devastated. “Where is _my_ adorable fiancé?”

Yuuri’s eyes scanned the rink, looking for any way out of this situation. “Thank you? If it makes you feel better, Yurio isn’t dating anyone, I don’t think.”

Mila waved her hand dismissively. “Yura is a baby, he doesn’t count.”

“Why don’t you come say that to my face, hag?” Yura shouted from where he was practicing a sit spin.

“I’d have to bend down too far!”

Yakov promptly scolded Yura for arguing with other skaters when he was _supposed_ to be focusing on his form. Yura, true to form, ignored him. Mila turned her attention back to Yuuri.

“How did you seduce our Vitya?”

Yuuri choked on the air they were breathing. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, I was at the banquet so I know that much at least, but I know Vitya doesn’t just love you for your body,” Mila mused.

Yuuri begged Vitya desperately with their eyes, _save me_!

“You had Vitya wrapped around your finger ever since that night, he was in here for _hours_ choreographing a program about the playboy that left him when he was _supposed_ to be refining his quad Lutz for Worlds. Don’t get me wrong, Yuuri, you looked magnificent on that pole, but what was it you _said_...”

“Wow, would you look at the time, break’s over, what a shame!” Yuuri exclaimed, backing away towards the rink’s entrance. “Good luck with, um, that. Mila. Nice talking to you.”

Mila had never seen anyone take off their guards and hop on the ice faster. She pouted. “Was it something I said?”

  


2.

Sara  
  
**Mila:** do u want to come to a funeral  
  
**Sara:** oh nooo did something happen? :(  
  
**Mila:** yes  
  
**Mila:** my love life is dead  
  
**Sara:** omg  
  
**Sara:** you’re telling me   
  
**Mila:** we need to have a service  
  
**Mila:** here lies the love lives of sara and mila  
  
**Sara:** did someone say love live   
  
**Mila:** ffffffffffff  
  
**Mila:** yuuri showed it to me & im dead  
  
**Mila:** yakov keeps yelling @ me bc i play during breaks  
  
**Mila:** im like u dont understand i cant let my girls down  
  
**Sara:** same omg  
  
**Sara:** i keep staring at my phone and mickey is all who are you talking to and im like chill bro its just some anime girls  
  
**Mila:** cute anime girls  
  
**Sara:** tru but unfortunately i cant date them  
  
**Sara:** which im sure mickey is thrilled about  
  
**Mila:** is he still on u abt that  
  
**Sara:** ah ah nooo he’s a lot better he’s just moody bc emil is back in the czech republic  
  
**Mila:** uuuuuuuuuuugh  
  
**Sara:** oh no  
  
**Sara:** im sorry  
  
**Mila:** EVERYONE IS DATING BUT MEEEEEE  
  
**Sara:** and me  
  
**Mila:** AND YOU  
  
**Mila:** actually  
  
**Mila:** maybe...  
  
**Sara:** yeeeees?  
  
**Sara:** milaaaaa  
  
**Mila:** how do you court someone  
  
**Sara:** oh  
  
**Sara:** if only i knew   
  


  


3.

Mila hit her head repeatedly on the rink wall.

“Are you alright, Mila?” Georgi asked warily, stopping his conversation with Vitya to watch Mila have a nervous breakdown.

Mila looked to him, eyes wild. She stalked over, grasping at Georgi’s shoulders like a lifeline. “Georgi, you have to help me.” Her voice rang with a desperation he’d never heard before.

Georgi patted her hands on his shoulders, giving her a reassuring smile. “Sure, Mila, what is it?”

“You’re terrible with women.” Georgi’s smile dropped. “ _How do you do it_?”

“You wanted me to help you?” Georgi’s voice was unamused. “I’ll have you know I’m a wonderful lover.”

Mila wrinkled her nose. “Ew,” Vitya said, voicing both of their thoughts.

“I didn’t even mean it like that, but if we’re going there...”

“Please don’t,” Vitya cut in.

Mila shook Georgi’s shoulders, trying to rattle his tiny brain. “How do I court a woman? Woo a lady? Seduce a maiden?”

“If you want to know about seduction, you should ask my Yuuri,” Vitya sighed, staring at Yuuri where they warmed up on the ice.

“Vitya, that only works on _you_ ,” Georgi pointed out.

Vitya’s only response was a loving sigh. “And we’ve lost him,” Mila groaned. “Georgi, _help me_.”

“You’ve dated before, Mila, why do you need my help?” he asked.

Mila’s fingers tightened on Georgi’s shoulders. “I... this is _different_.”

“Different, you say?” Vitya was back, giving Mila an appraising look with one finger tapping against his glossy lips. Mila knew that look. It was the Devil’s gaze. “Could it be perhaps because we’re talking about a certain Italian _bella_?”

The flush across Mila’s cheeks was answer enough. Vitya clapped his hands together, clearly delighted. “Our little Milushka is finally growing up.”

“I’ve dated before, Vitka.”

“But you’ve never been _in love_.”

“How would you know?” Mila asked indignantly. “Besides, I’m not _in love_ , I just want to go on a date with my very good friend Sara.”

But Vitya already had stars in his eyes, staring at Mila like he was a proud father. She chose to ignore him, turning back to Georgi.

“Poetry is always a classic,” Georgi began. “There’s no better way to express your love than through the written word.”

Mila’s hands dropped to her sides. “Why did I even ask?”

Georgi pouted. “It’s romantic.”

“Even so, I’m no wordsmith in Russian, much less English.” Mila pointed out. “Or,” she gagged. “Italian.”

Georgi pondered this for a moment. “Fair enough,” he conceded. “What about sending her a bouquet of roses?”

“So that she can watch them die before throwing them out?” Mila huffed.

Georgi pouted harder, if possible.

“You Millenials have no sense of romance,” Vitya tutted.

  


4.

“You’re a Millenial, asshole,” Mila pointed out.

“ _Barely_ , besides, I didn’t grow up with the internet.”

Georgi shot Mila a glare. “You did this.”

Mila shrugged. Vitya constantly liked to remind the younger skaters that he was born in the 80s, and he (barely) remembered a time before the internet was in every home. At the same time, if anyone called him old he’d faint from shock.

“Anyways,” Mila cut off Vitya’s _“back in my day”_ spiel. “How would you recommend I court Sara?”

Vitya paused. “Have you considered introducing yourself naked?”

  


5.

Mila slumped on the break room table, defeated.

“Oi, hag, I was sitting there,” Yura snapped, noisily taking the seat across from Mila.

Mila didn’t respond, staring blankly into space.

“Did you hear me?” Yura asked, taking a loud slurp from his juice box. He poked her between the shoulder blades. “Are you dead?”

“Just my heart,” Mila grumbled.

Yura sat back, satisfied now that he knew he didn’t have to call an ambulance. He propped his legs up on the table, leaning back in his chair and idly drinking his juice. Mila eyed him. She had exhausted all her options by now and she was truly, truly desperate.

“Yura, how do you ask someone out?”

Yura choked on his juice. “What the hell are you asking me for?”

Mila whined. “Because I’ve asked literally everyone else and they’re all useless!”

“You can say that again,” Yura grumbled, wiping some spilled juice off his lips with his sleeve.

“God knows how anyone else here ended up together.”

Yura narrowed his eyes. “Why are you asking about dating?” he asked accusingly.

Mila propped her head up on her arm, rolling her eyes. “Why do you _think_ , Yura? I’m trying to ask someone out.”

Yura’s eyes narrowed further, simmering as he bore holes in Mila’s head. “Who?”

She stuck her tongue out. “None of your business.”

Yura pointed at her accusingly. “Don’t play coy with me, hag, I saw the way you were looking at Beka during the GPF.”

“Excuse me?” Mila jumped up from her seat, shocked at the accusation.

Yuri jumped up, too, having to kneel on a chair to make up for the height difference. “You better back off, he was my friend first!”

“What the hell makes you think I’m interested in _Otabek_?” Mila shouted.

“What, is Beka not good enough for you, hag?”

There was really no winning with this kid. Mila’s only valid response was to hoist Yura above her head and hold him there until he begged for mercy.

“Put me down! One day I’m going to get too big for you to lift!”

Mila snorted. “I can lift Vitya with one arm; good luck, Yurochka.”

“You’re the worst! I hate you!”

“Scream all you want, you’re not getting down any faster!”

The break room door crashing open interrupted their screaming. Yuuri and Vitya practically fell through, lips locked and in a hurry to get each other’s jackets off. The room fell into an awkward silence as both pairs eyed each other. Vitya pulled back, a string of saliva still connecting his mouth to Yuuri’s. Above Mila, Yura covered his eyes.

Yuuri cleared their throat. “We’re gonna... go.”

“I think the break room on the other side is empty,” Mila offered.

Vitya beamed at her. “Thank you!” He was already leading Yuuri out by the hand.

“Wait, Katsudon, Viktor! Get me down from here!” Yura wailed, struggling vainly in Mila’s hold.

“Have fun!” Vitya chimed as the door closed behind them.

  


+1

Sara  
  
**Sara:** any luck?  
  
**Mila:** xa xa  
  
**Mila:** no  
  
**Mila:** everyone at this rick is weird as balls  
  
**Mila:** i dont know how any of them found love  
  
**Mila:** maybe  
  
**Mila:** im the weird one  
  
**Sara:** aw sweetie  
  
**Sara:** you’re weird for sure, but i dont think anyone holds a candle to viktor  
  
**Mila:** u can say that again  
  
**Mila:** i asked hi m for advice and he told me to show up naked  
  
**Mila:** CAN U BELIEVE  
  
**Sara:** tbf  
  
**Sara:** have u seen urself  
  
**Sara:** i’d def swoon ;)  
  
**Mila:** sara omg  
  
**Mila:** careful or i might get the wrong idea  
  
**Sara:** or the right idea  
  
**Mila:** sara  
  
**Mila:** are you flirting with me  
  
**Sara:** have been all season but thanks for noticing  
  
**Mila:** WTF  
  
**Mila:** BUT IVE BEEN FLIRTING WITH YOU  
  
**Sara:** wow really  
  
**Sara:** you suck at it  
  
**Mila:** listen my role models katsuki “16 glasses” yuuri and vitya “birthday suit” nikiforov so forgive me  
  
**Sara:** ahahah  
  
**Sara:** we’ll work on it ;)  
  
**Mila:** brb buying a plane ticket to italy  
  
**Sara:** ahahah  
  
**Sara:** wait are you serious  
  
**Mila:** if vitya can do it so can i  
  
**Sara:** mila~  
  
**Sara:** come sweep me off my feet  
  


  


**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on [tumblr](https://aceyuurikatsuki.tumblr.com/)!


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